[entries will be listed from newest to oldest.]
8:59 AM: one of my rats is dying..
one of my rats, Ilya, is on his last day really. he already started the dying stage last night, but he's made it to the morning.
i would stay with him but my mum wouldn't let me stay home from school. i feel so bad for him. he's so cold.
8:22 PM: i'm so done
just with everything.
as soon as i've finished up a couple projects, i'm gone man. i can't be fucked putting up with this shit anymore.
i don't want to inconvinience anyone, so once all my group stuff is done, so am i.
i swear every time i'm fucking excited for something it always goes downhill
in my first class we usually just chill out for wednesdays, but we had to work just because a couple people voted to skip the break today. i needed that fucking break.
i got made fun of in choir again, as usual. i would quit but it's compulsory for vocal students in the music program
i want everyone in school to fuck off honestly. i don't even have any close friends there, not anymore.
they can all eat shit and die for all i care. it's not like they give a shit about me anwyays.
fuck this goddamnn place. fuck school. fuck friends. fuck life. fuck everything.
2:54 PM: just finished the first day of term 4 >_>
i've actually been doing fairly good recently?? i made a bunch of new online friends and we've been talking every day ^_^ i luv them so so much!!
sorry i have not being updating much lately >_> school is a lot. i should be able to pass by the end of the year, but i'm gonna have to focus a lot more on school than the internet
3:03 PM: ALSO ALSO!!!
KORN IS RELEASING NEW MERCH!!! I WILL LITERALLY MAKEOUT WITH ANYONE WHO GETS ME THE FTL HOODIE!!!
I WANT IT SO BAD
9:56 AM: it's the last day of term 3
thank fuck because i am so done. i've got 2 weeks off of school after this so i just need to get through 4 more classes
i've got a bunch of assessments today but i'm in an okay mood so i should be able to just waffle my way through them
i'm only really worried about the music one, but i can study in the mean time
half of my mates are wagging i don't wanna be alone today
2:52 PM: IT'S FINALLY FINISHED YIPPEE
i finished all the tests no problem, i'm pretty sure i at least passed them? here's hoping anyways
i'm so ready to just go home and sleep forever and ever zZzZz
3:08 PM: my partner broke up with me :')
i'm handling it a little better now, it happened on friday.
i probably sound so cringe but i'm completely devastated. i had feelings for them for over half a year and we dated for 5 and a half months, that's the longest i've ever been in a relationship
he said we can still be friends but i can't even look at anything that reminds me of him
i still get videos about couples on instagram and tiktok and it makes me feel even worse :)
my spotify stats are going to be so fucked up from me listening to depressing shit
2:08 PM: it's that time of the month fellas 🎉🎉 (help me.)
i'm trynna just distract myself for now, but i don't know how long that'll work for especially when i get home
also, side note - i'm in the library because last zone is free for me on thursdays and it's packed full of year 7s (derogatory)
2:17 PM: NVM THEY HAVE THE SAME NEW ENGLISH TEACHER!! HE'S SO CUTE HBUCIDJBCW
2:15 PM: feeling a little better today
yesterday was completely awful, but i won't go into that here.
there's a new english teacher in my class and he's SO FINE
he came over to me and my friend to help us with our work and i was genuinely so flustered i couldn't speak to him
my friend roasted me for it but idc he was so cute!! i'm gonna tell my partner abt him later
ALSO korn released a new album, it's just a deluxe version of untitled but i'll take it anyways
i've been listening to it all day and i rlly like bitch we got a problem so i changed the song on my site to it too :D
2:00 PM: i'm starting to get a little worried
i can't think clearly at all anymore, everything's so fuzzy. i can hardly remember anything i did like an hour ago and yesterday's practically gone entirely
i've had memory issues before, but never this intense and it's really scaring me
i think i need to start seeing my friends more often, i usually feel more grounded around them
6:49 PM: i'm definitely not getting better.
school was horrible today, i had to go to student services halfway through the day
i left for my music class, but that was fucking difficult to say the least
i miss my parter... they've been sick so i haven't been able to see them. i don't think they're better yet, but i don't want to bother them by asking
we've hardly been hanging out at all lately, i feel like a shit boyfriend
i've been listening to music a lot more to try to cope, but it hasn't helped that much. atm i'm obsessing over Another Believer by Rufus Wainwright, i've been listening to it on loop for a couple hours now.
1:49 PM: it was a little too soon to say I was getting better ^_^''
i'm still okay at the moment, but school's made my mental health spike again
i've got a lot of work to catch up on, and my teachers being away isn't making it much easier
9:45 PM: this is really late for a journal entry, but i really wanted to write one today
i've been feeling a lot better lately, i'm even going to the gym now like i've been meaning to do for ages
i also saw my boyfriend today, we didn't do much asides from watch videos together but it was really nice just being with him... he's not doing too good at the moment, so now i'm doing better i hope i can help him
i'm going to the gym again tomorrow and i'm super excited, i usually hate exercise but for some reason it was actually really fun today? i felt a little dizzy and tired but it put me in such a good mood
12:34 PM: today is kind of shitty for lack of a better word
i had therapy for the first time in months this morning, it was much more awkward than i thought it would be. i had sm i wanted to talk about, but i kinda just tensed up when the time came.
i'm in psychology now, it's my second favourite class but i just found out we have to do a presentation about non-verbal communication... there are 2 main fucking problems with that. 1, i'm autistic i am fucking terrible at non-verbal communication and 2 i am way too fucking anxious to do an oral presentation. it's supposed to be 5-10 fucking minutes... i hate everything bruh.
9:56 AM: i'm gonna try to return early from my break, but updates will definitely be slow for a while
it's super fucking cold today, 8 degrees celcius... it's supposed to be a little warmer tomorrow, but then it's also gonna be raining :(
i didn't wanna go to school today, but my mum only let me take one day off for grieving.
it hasn't been too bad today asides from the freezing fucking weather LMFAO
1:37 PM: i fucked up my ankle during drama and it HURTS SO BAD
i've never actually twisted it before or anything, so i don't know what to compare it to in case it is twisted but it HURTSSSSS
i was just messing around with my friend and i stepped on my foot wrong while trying to stand up :(
8:56 AM: much too early to be awake. HOWEVER!!!
I WOKE UP AND I HAD LIKE FUCKING UHHH 10 NOTIFICATIONS?!? SO COOL!!! SM PPL HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ND COMMENTING I'M SO HAPPY!!!
also, school is like way more bareable when i have headphones... i forgot about that
i've got too many spotify playlist 0_0 ... some of them are lowkey rlly similar but i can't part with either of them so i don't want to combine or delete them!!! ugh!!!
here are the playlists i listen 2 most btw :)
1:44 PM: i got my music exam results back :( 34% for the written, 77% for the practical... it's better than nothing i guess but it kind of sucks.
10:48 AM: exam 'break' is over so everyone's finally back at school again ^_^ technically it was back yesterday but i may or may not have forgotten to write an entry for like an entire week... anyways.
in music we have to write a 'listening journal' for songs from different genres, so of course i'm doing fucking korn and a random obscure indie rock subgenre becuase i will take any opportunity possible to be allowed to word vomit about my hyperfixations :33
BUT BUT BUT FUCKING UHHH FALLING AWAY FROM ME FROM KORN HAS SO MANY GOD DAMN CHORDS BRUH
don't get me started on the fucking chord patterns, i'm not bothered to write them all down. my music teacher said i can just write down all of the base chords though thank FUCK
12:35 PM: i forget that people get notifications when you follow them and i've been rushed with so many follows and shit its SCARY
some of my favourite neocities sites have been following me back 0_0 so fucking cool
i'm in my last class of the day!! >:) thank god.
my last class is psychology, we're learning about fucking attachment theories? very odd shit.
most of it is just about like babies attachment to their mothers (and fathers bc my school is so #inclusive (not)) which would be a lot cooler if my psych teacher would actually show up to class, he's been away for like the whole week bruh.
1:00 PM: bro, full disclosure i have done no fucking work at all. i'm in a rabbithole!!!
i love old web stuff but like the proper demented shit written by actual weirdos, like the fucking destruction txt files
half of the files are literally just nonsense written by edgy 12 yr olds... but some of them r kinda cool, like there's a bunch about how to make explosives and stuff like that.
i'm so nervous that my website looks bad on other ppl's screens!!!! my fucking computer is tiny, it looks just fine on mine but if i zoom out it looks odd 0_o i'm sorry if it looks bad!!!!!
also, cuz of the iframe thingy i have sometimes my updates won't show up for a while, i hope that's just because i had it open before it updated and it won't refresh or smth idk how to explain it . . .
5:32 PM: I GOT NEW NOISE CANCELLING HEADPHONES FUCK YEAH!!!!
i am autistic asf and have needed them for ages but my old ones broke and i finally have new ones!!! i hart pay day ^_^!
12:38 PM: finally finished all of my exam stuff, i don't know if i passed or not but at least i can ignore that for now 0_0
i've been vibing w the other music students in the keyboard lab, it's kind of fun even if i have no real friends
7:30 AM: good morning neocities, so tired aghh!!!
i don't wannt 2 get up, i'm too busy looking at my chicken smoothie pets :(
9:51 AM: took too long to finish a drama assessment so i got a zero for it, fuck. i can't even check if that's making me fail cuz the website with our grades on it is down for exam break.
heavily considering dropping out, there's just no way i can get my grades up. my music exam is tomorrow and i'm totally fucked, i can hardly do any of the easy aural we do in class.
mum wants me to talk to my drama teacher, but i can hardly even get the energy to come to school at all nevermind actually talk to my teachers here. i don't know wtf to do.
10:26 AM: i swear whenever i get a notification on neocities it scares the living shit out of me. it's always just someone following me but the chance of it being someone commenting something terrifies me bruh
12:25 PM: only have 2 more classes left, i'm hoping it goes by quickly i just want to go home. i can't even stay home tmrw bc it's exam day for music students
11:32 AM: i'm only up to my 3rd zone of the day for school @_@ ... i have no friends here because of the exam break, everyone's at home except for me. i have 2 finish all of my assessments which is not happening. i have barely even touched any of them and we're halfway through the break now...
i've been doing a lot of nothing asides from working on this and reading, there's nothing else to do with the teachers walking back and forth every two seconds... i swear i hate the teachers sometimes, they're always staring at my computer even if i have nothing up on it!! gahhh!!!!!
2:50 PM: school is finished now thank fuck, i just have 2 wait to get picked up so i can go home ^v^!
3:55 PM: SOMEONE FROM STATUS CAFE WROTE A STATUS BACK 2 ME BC I HAD SPECIMEN LYRICS IM SOBBING/POS
i'm way too scared 2 talk 2 him but he followed me back on neocities and i can't i'm unironically flustered
welcome to my journal :) i've kept entries on this website several times but i always end up deleting them... i swear i'll try to keep this one up.
12:40 PM: i'm on my 'exam break' at the moment except i still have to go to school every day to finish missing assessments... they don't have to mark me down on the roll so i've been skipping a lot of classes much more than i usually would.
i haven't had the energy to actually work on assessments, but i've been able to gather some inspiration for revamping this website which i had considered abandoning numerous times... when i was checking on the domain i purchased for it apparently i was getting it for free every year? very confusing... It's not a very good domain granted, it was 'cybercorner.space' but when i first purchased it i remember it being at least a couple bucks a year.
i've been considering buying 'kornloser.com' for this website because it's available but i don't have a lot of spare cash, especially not for something that i don't really care about that much.
2:10 PM: merch is so expensive bruh, there's a korn hoodie i rlly want but its $80 AUD (ouch)